Decided to look up flower meanings and buy some for L for Valentine’s Day. The floral shop didn’t have any of the flowers I had wanted, so I decided to make them out of paper. Terrible idea. Getting insanely nervous. What if this ruins everything?
Ranunculus: you are radiant
Dahlia: my gratitude exceeds your care; I want to compliment/tame your wild side
Camellia (pink/red/white): you are the flame of my heart/adoration/longing
Striped tulip: you have beautiful eyes
Gardenia: secret love
This isn’t just me being afraid of being alone on Valentine’s Day. This is me taking a chance, because I never have enough balls to go after what I want and it’s kicked me in the ass the last few years. I am strong enough to handle the let down, but I cannot accept the unknown any more.
Adam: You’re quirky. You accentuate your words when you’re unsure. Your mouth hangs open when you lick your lip ring as you’re zoning out. When your eyes were on me Saturday, I nearly fumbled with my words. You had the power to make me look away. Your red high tops and tattoo on your wrist were minor details to your shining personality. And sure, maybe part of it was because we were forced into a social setting, but I would have followed you all the way back home, pretending I knew the way just to have an excuse to spend more time with you. Flat out, you’re gorgeous. I knew it when I shook your hand. My friends knew it when they saw you, too. They both told me to get your number. And I didn’t. Not even when they did almost everything in their power to get me to do so. And now I’m regretting it.
Jake: I’ve told you this already - I’m tired of trying to be friends with someone who won’t try back. You only want me when you drink, and you only want to drink when you suggest we hang out. I don’t hook up with flakes. Your chances are extremely minimal, even if I had said otherwise weeks ago. You’re only proving to be less and less who I want. And I don’t like wasting my time on people I don’t want.
Andrew, Harrison, Marcos; You’re ridiculously attractive, humorous, charismatic. The epitome of heartbreak. And out of my league by miles.
Jared; Every time I start thinking about you, I remind myself that you had a shotgun marriage to the woman you said “wasn’t right for you”. And that if you couldn’t make up your mind for ten months before, well…you’ve dug your grave. And I’ve still got my freedom.
