Yes, this is another boy update. I can’t post this on facebook because 1. I’m friends with him and 2. My roommate is envious because her last two boy choices were crap.

But can I just say, I have been single for over two years now, and I’ve just started going on dates the past six months. This is the first guy I’m genuinelyinterested in, that I have a good feeling about.

And he said “Maybe we can do that another time” tonight. I pretty much squealed. In the middle of McDonald’s.

He’s talented, curious, sexual, and so good with words. What I see as charm is probably the inveigle methods of a fastidious, perverse, and arrogant person, but I don’t care. I don’t care. For once, I’m seeing the warning signs and I am ignoring them completely. And it feels amazing.

Do you know that feeling you get, when you’re way too excited about something and there’s that little voice in the back of your head telling yourself to slow down, take a breath, and just wait it out?

And you just want to strangle it?

But then it sneaks up on you and tackles you to the ground, and you escape.

And then the voice is right. And you’re so defeated and afraid that you vow to never get excited about anything again?

Well…this is what’s going on in my brain right now. And my chest. I’m full of self doubt and anxiety and disbelief and hope. And all I can think is that I like the word and.

Well, I can’t help it. My excitement is overpowering. It shouldn’t be, I should know better, but there’s just something about musician boys who can compliment you so smoothly your pants almost fall off, who are willing to see you while they’re home for two days and drive thirty minutes just to get coffee.

Besides, if I knew better all the time, I would just be pessimistic.

The boy didn’t really respond to any texts since Saturday when he drunk texted me. I was kind of upset but decided not to push it and that he could text me when he felt like it. Today, he told me that “I’m in a social slump and feeling extremely introverted. This is not the norm and I apologize”.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.

I told him I was hiding in my bed at 9:30 and never leaving, and he replied “Never? I guess if I want to see you I’d have to go to your bed then”
“Part of me kind of wishes you would. But that’s probably too forward to admit, even if it’s not sexual, right?”
“We don’t have to have inhibitions like normal people and can speak our minds without taking offense I think”

I just miss being close to someone and I hope this pans out. I’m excited about him, but I’m trying to keep it contained in case it blows up in my face. But I could really use someone with a level head, who can see things from my odd angle for once.