My friend was with this guy, while she’s living with her (recently) ex-boyfriend. Her this guy were talking about marriage and planning their future together, but then he got really controlling, not wanting her to hang out with the guys without him around and getting pissy if she was working “too much” because he “knew” what or who she valued more. She was constantly trying to appease him in that sense. He was never man enough, romantic enough, or mature enough for her. One night, he punched her in the face for “not listening” and she “made him do it”. She told him she could never be with him or trust him again, having had been in two previously abusive relationships (including the recent ex she’s still living with) which this guy had seen the effects of.
A week later, he goes to her recent ex-boyfriend and tells him everything that’s happened between the two of them - the sex, that they’ve been together for a year now behind his back, everything. And then he ups and stops talking to her. Her ex-boyfriend says it’s because this other guy is getting engaged to someone else back home, in another country. What does she do? She stops eating, she starts throwing up due to the anxiety of not knowing the truth. She tells me to talk to this other guy, to tell him how miserable she is and that she would take him back if he just told her the truth.
She asked him multiple times this summer if he was getting engaged back home, and he looked her in the eyes and said no every time. Three days after, he texted me asking how she was. She’s racking her brain wondering why he did it, if it was payback for something about her and her ex-boyfriend, if he really ever loved her…
Why do people go back to the good things about someone when something terrible happens like this? Someone betrays our trust so heavily, but we ignore that and lust for everything before the hurt. SHE was the one who said she couldn’t be with him, and didn’t even want to talk to him other than texting because he hit her. But as soon as something happens, she’s willing to take him back? No. And I don’t know how to help her any more. She’s wallowing and pathetic and I don’t understand it. I haven’t been miserable like that in years.
Can someone give some advice?